Entries by Pavel

Splinter

There is a splinter in my head

That won’t allow me settle down.

When told to laugh, it makes me frown.

Why wasn’t it a wheel instead?

 

I could be happy with a wheel

Or, say, a flag, a drum, a ladle,

A coin wrought from precious metal.

A gentle rose could make me feel

 

At ease. But no, a roseless thorn,

The shortest straw has been the lot

My fate pulled out of the pot

That summer eve when I was born.

 

And now my footsteps in the blue

Of empty deck at night resound,

Disturbing slumber, safe and sound,

Of other passengers and crew.

 

And waves that whispered them to sleep

Just make me nauseous. And I worry,

Like Thomas in that bedtime story,

The hidden captains of this ship

Are dead. Long dead, though never buried.

 

I see companionships in cobwebs,

Hear songs in creaking of the hull.

I look for beauty where the light ebbs,

For truth in ravings of the gulls.

 

I’m neither fit for those above me,

Nor those below. I have no wings.

I have no faith in solid things.

I cannot answer those who love me.

 

What life is this? the voices mutter.

I grip the rail. The bulwarks shudder.

A leap away the billows crest.

They promise me eternal rest

In liquid chambers of the deep,

But death is just another sleep.

Another way not to exist.

I’d rather peer into the mist,

Unmoving for a thousand years,

And be there first when it appears,

A strip of land on the horizon,

A reef, a monster, or a glow,

A lantern swinging from a bow,

A foreign ship to feast my eyes on.

 

And maybe on its gloomy deck

There’ll be a splinter, peering back.

I rise and fall like music on the sheet

Rows of giant microphones on both sides.
A bird explodes into being, lives half a breath and is no more.
There are no giants left to sing.
Or maybe there were never giants.
Maybe I’m just small.

Rows of giant showerheads on both sides
Water slaps me with words I like but don’t understand.
Not even giants could swim here, despite all the water.
I see them standing with their hands up.
Me, I can only drown, or be washed.

Rows of giant gallows on both sides
I get an infinite number of tries, but still I cannot guess the word.
My friends stand ankle-deep in sand,
Waiting for a giant to come and draw the noose.
But my enemies and I know better than to be afraid.

When I think of you, I feel like that bird.
And now lampposts are just lampposts,
And I, too, no longer exist.